The year I started loving myself.. 2020 was a challenging year to us all. While most of us took the time to reflect on the past year, by analyzing events, feelings, successes and challenges, to me, 2020 was fascinating, in spite of it all. My divorce was dragging beyond my expectations, and seemed like a never ending battle filled with anger & disappointment. My Father, who lives in Israel, got sick with pancreatic cancer, and I wasn’t able to fly and visit him. Although my ex and I have shared-custody, one of my son’s preferred staying at his dad’s, where he has a gaming station set up like a king...I was so desperate for physical touch and love that I had explored relationships with men that I am not proud to share even in writing (for now:) I felt I lost control over so many things in my life, raging like an animal in a cage. The pandemic chaos accompanied by propaganda of fear and anxiety brought me to the edge of an epileptic attack.
That’s when I was “forced” to pause and shift from “DOING’ mode into “BEING” mode. I started practicing yoga. I introduced myself and exercised different meditation methods, I learned to be one with nature, in acceptance and in full faith that there is something bigger than me that is beyond my control. I embraced new rituals into my life that helped me maintain a steady state of mind. I’ve opened up my world into a multi dimensional existence and I learned to connect to my higher self. I listened to my heartbeat and I took responsibility for my words and my thoughts; I observed my emotions that led me to choose my reactions.
I realized that the challenges I have experienced, like breaking up my family, happened because I was broken inside. I’ll never forget that pivotal moment when I was in front of the judge and I had to decide whether I am choosing to fight over money or to fight over MYSELF. This is when I took the leap of faith and decided to step up in order to break through to new levels. I chose to concede “the battle” in advance, and instead of feuding in court and getting into a world of revenge and negativity - I invested my energy in my own happiness, and into a work of positivity. Resulting in reinventing myself as a “Love Activator”!
I walked into the unknown, and surrendered to the process of recreating myself. For the first time in my life I felt abundance in a golden temple in my mind. I started a journey of true love towards myself, and I was humbled in the face of the healing path I knew I still had to go through.
